upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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