I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
