I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
