we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
