Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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