So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Can you bring me the toilet please
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
