You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
