Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
