How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
