Rock
Scissors
Fuck
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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