either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
They are going to name an STD after you.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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