I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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