I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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