hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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