In America we eat man semen.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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