based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
