toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize