she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
