I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
25 People Confess Their Favorite Way To Annoy Their Significant Other
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
These 21 Women Share What Sexual Harassment In The Military Is Really Like
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.