Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
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So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
foreskin is a definite game changer
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.