It's Friday. Sex?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
