I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer