Pants 0. Shit 1.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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