Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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