I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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