She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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