Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
