im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
