i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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