Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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