i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
