she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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