The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
