it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
