i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
