This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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