You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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