I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
