i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
