And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
