the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
