i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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