Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
