I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
