Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
