Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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