I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
