So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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