I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
