Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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