i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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