i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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