Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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