if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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