So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
he thought i was a dude.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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