I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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