were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
