The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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