i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
