weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize