One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
