I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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