Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
