I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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