I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
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Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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