Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
