what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
