She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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