just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
