I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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