I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
