mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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