meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
