I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
