im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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