Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
