i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
