Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
