is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
