you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
