i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
