mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
