got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
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Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
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Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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