Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
