Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
