woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
